Good grades, a social life, and your sanity--you can only pick two.

I am being drowned in reading. Please, take this seriously you guys. It’s a very real concern. I have a grand total of 170 pages of reading to do by Monday. ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY. Do you know how many pages of reading that is? That’s a short novel. That’s a good four to five chapters of a textbook. It’s thirty-four 5-page essays. It’s ridiculous is what it is.

I think they should schedule college differently. Everything should be staggered. There would be a week for extracurriculars. You could go to all the “first” club meetings and work out which ones you’re sticking with. Then there could be a week for auditions season: A Capella clubs, straight plays, musicals, choirs, IMPROVment. And when you hear back from all of them, you can really pin down your non-class schedule.

In the meantime, you’re meeting all kinds of new people, and getting enough sleep. You’re finding your way around classes, working out a kind-of routine, and figuring out where and when events are happening on campus.

If only.

Instead, my first two weeks at Case have been crazier than Spock after reboot-Kirk’s death. And that’s pretty crazy. (I just re-watched “Star Trek: Into Darkness” the other day, so sue me.)

I feel like I can connect to Spock a little more easily now. I feel like I understand him better. It’s like the entire world just snapped loose from it’s moorings, and is spinning so fast that it’s impossible to get a grip on the surface. I feel like I’ll never be able to find my feet.

There are moments where it’s all I can do not to break down in tears. Or just scream. Or want to run away and hide in my bed and never ever come out of my dorm room ever again. There are moments where I feel paralyzed. Where I feel like I can’t do anything right. Where I feel tremendously, completely, and permanently out of control.

And then I write a few paragraphs, and I feel better about things. It’s absurd. It’s bewildering. Somehow, being able to put something in words makes it less scary. Being able to know it completely enough that you can show it to someone else—somehow it makes the world seem brighter. Less full of fear.

And I feel like maybe I can do this after all. Even the 170 pages of reading.