Friday, May 9, 2014
Monday, February 24, 2014
Concerto Competition and other things
Hi!
Just thought I would post a piece I've been working on for quite a while here, now that I have a good recording of it. This is my first round entry for the Case Concerto Competition. You'll be happy to know that fate was on my side: the night before recording this, I was at volleyball practice and did quite a number on my left index finger. Luckily, by 8 am the next morning, the only twinge of pain was barely noticeable.
It feels like a mix between spring and fall here now, plus we got three minutes of sleet this afternoon. It's very confusing. On the one hand, I want to go play softball, but on the other, the feeling of despair for the world outside my dorm room is still lingering. Still: it's warming up THANK GOD. Some more good things happening include 1) a student club fundraising in Nord by selling Krispy Kreme, 2) John Mackey coming to coach the band through Kingfishers Catch Fire, and 3) my SAGES teacher converting an essay assignment to a creative project.
1) A fantastic taste of home. I just wish they would continue to sell them next week when I get my Astronomy test back.
2) Composers are perfect directors. They know the music backwards and forwards, know exactly what they want, and can advise on anything from the mood to how fast the trill should be in measure 5 to how to articulate that quarter note in measure 105. Mr. Mackey also confirmed what I have long suspected: even composers think of a legato over a staccato as "wishy-washy."
3) I still have to write, but now it can be a justification for what our flute duet has to do with the course material, not a formal film review!
I also wanted to recommend a book to the world:
Everyone should read King Leopold's Ghost by Adam Hochschild. If you've read Heart of Darkness before, you have a good idea of what the book entails, but you might not realize how very real the brutality in the Congo during Europe's colonial era was. It's a story on a scale you'll likely never have read before, with both awe-inspiring heroism and exploitation. There's also quite a bit of intrigue; the movement that eventually put an end to the violence was an investigative journalism endeavor of epic proportions, driven by one man, who had to politically outmaneuver kings and out print corrupt fellow journalists.
Just thought I would post a piece I've been working on for quite a while here, now that I have a good recording of it. This is my first round entry for the Case Concerto Competition. You'll be happy to know that fate was on my side: the night before recording this, I was at volleyball practice and did quite a number on my left index finger. Luckily, by 8 am the next morning, the only twinge of pain was barely noticeable.
It feels like a mix between spring and fall here now, plus we got three minutes of sleet this afternoon. It's very confusing. On the one hand, I want to go play softball, but on the other, the feeling of despair for the world outside my dorm room is still lingering. Still: it's warming up THANK GOD. Some more good things happening include 1) a student club fundraising in Nord by selling Krispy Kreme, 2) John Mackey coming to coach the band through Kingfishers Catch Fire, and 3) my SAGES teacher converting an essay assignment to a creative project.
1) A fantastic taste of home. I just wish they would continue to sell them next week when I get my Astronomy test back.
2) Composers are perfect directors. They know the music backwards and forwards, know exactly what they want, and can advise on anything from the mood to how fast the trill should be in measure 5 to how to articulate that quarter note in measure 105. Mr. Mackey also confirmed what I have long suspected: even composers think of a legato over a staccato as "wishy-washy."
3) I still have to write, but now it can be a justification for what our flute duet has to do with the course material, not a formal film review!
I also wanted to recommend a book to the world:
Everyone should read King Leopold's Ghost by Adam Hochschild. If you've read Heart of Darkness before, you have a good idea of what the book entails, but you might not realize how very real the brutality in the Congo during Europe's colonial era was. It's a story on a scale you'll likely never have read before, with both awe-inspiring heroism and exploitation. There's also quite a bit of intrigue; the movement that eventually put an end to the violence was an investigative journalism endeavor of epic proportions, driven by one man, who had to politically outmaneuver kings and out print corrupt fellow journalists.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Snickers (2004-2013)
Snickers died last night, January 6th, 2014. His death has just become the first major event of the new year..., but it wasn't unexpected. (He has been showing symptoms of decline for several months. He seemed to bounce back a little from a period of panting, weakness, and fever; but within the past week his condition worsened.) We're thankful that Jasmine and Samantha were home for the holidays; so we didn't have to make that awkward, unpleasant phone call (or that Facebook post) while they were at school. Snickers died at home; and for the most part he seemed to live the life of a full blooded canine until his very last week. Here is his story...
Snickers was a rebound dog, in reality. We got snickers two or three months after Scooby died. Scooby was the first dog in the family, preceding the children. We cried like babies when we euthanized Scooby; so I wasn't really anxious to have another dog, maybe for years, after Scooby died. Dianne is dog person. She loves the loyalty and affection of a good lap dog; and so, after a few months Dianne wanted another.
We thought long and hard about the right sort of dog. We've both had dogs before; so we know how important it is to find a dog with the right sort of demeanor. We debated on getting our first pure breed dog, or going to the shelter like we did before. One day Dianne heard about a rescue group that was looking for homes for Australian Shepherds. Australian Shepherds! So... Aussies are not really known as laid back, cozy, fluffy lapdog sort of breed, right? "But what's the harm in taking a look" (I paraphrase). Thus, we went to humbly meet with Snickers original guardians...
Snickers puppyhood tale was sad to tell. Reputedly, Snickers and his litter were found soggy and half drowned near a creek in the country. Someone brought them to the rescue group for resuscitation; and now three or four of them are romping around the foster puppy-parent's living room like the cute little rascals from 101 Dalmatians. It's a foregone conclusion that we'll be taking one home. It's only a question of which one. Suffice it to stay that Snickers markings, his random meanderings, and his general 'Joie de vivre' made him the favorite. After a careful screening by the organization, (to be sure that we didn't plan to freak out with a new puppy, physically traumatize the puppy, or somehow bring shame upon the institution of puppy rescue) Snickers became our pet.
Naturally Snickers was an energetic dog with all of the herding instincts of his breed. It wasn't long before I enrolled him in puppy obedience class (which I'd say that he barely passed, honestly); and shortly after that I took him to a class in 'agility' training. If you don't know, agility training is where you take your dog through an obstacle course, with a goal of following commands, and completing the course, in the best possible time. There are treats and clickers and praising ("Good dog, Good Dog!, Oh what a Good Dog!!") and lots of running, (and turning around..., and turning around...,) and running. So this is great fun; but I'm pretty crafty (arts and crafts crafty), so I figure I can build this-here obstacle course, and put it in my back yard, and save myself a little bit of time and money driving to the course at the kennel...and to my credit, I did build a lot of the components of an obstacle course, which are currently providing the scaffolding for the spider webs in our crawl space.
It's a lot like signing up for a gym membership after you make that New Year's resolution.
So then, I think we entered the phase of Snickers life where long walks became routine. Long walks and doggie daycare. Many days on my way to Garner I would drop off a very excited Snickers at Gentle Care Animal Hospital (aka 'doggie daycare'), for 4 or 5 hours of unbridled group dog play. He would get in the car at the end of the day and lie down...yes, lie down... on the back seat for a contented ride home. And at home he would lie down... can you believe it... while we ate dinner, and watched our shows. This was a great thing. No prancing around the back yard, with an apron full of doggie treats. No moving to a country estate to find a grazeable pasture with real sheep. Just doggie daycare. Ok, so he learned bad habits, like barking at the strange dog across the road; and sometimes he came home covered with dog slobber; but, on the whole, much better! And we got reports each day of what doggie friends he liked to play with, and how good'a boy he'd been that day. Awesome.
Then; tragedy. We took Snickers with us for a trip to the NC mountains near Asheville. After a three or four hour drive, we stopped at the Folk Art Center on the Blue Ridge Parkway, just off of Highway 40. We did some shopping. We let the dog out to get some fresh air. There is a beautiful hillock of shaded lawn behind the center and adjacent to the parking lot; so we threw the tennis ball a few times and then headed back to the car. But what does idiot-savant 'Dad' do; but throw the tennis ball toward the car. And what does Snickers do? Well, of course he chases. And gosh-darned if Snickers didn't catch that ball. We don't really know... but if he did catch it, he caught it in the midst of the greatest leap of his life, right over the edge of an 8 to 10 foot embankment, with nothing but paved asphalt for a landing.
Snickers broke both his forelegs in the fall/leap; setting a new standard in our family for actions that cause Regret, with a capital 'R'. But Snickers recovered. He had surgery at the NCSU Vet School, and he came home as a more valuable puppy, but far more reserved in his love for tennis balls.
Snickers is really the only dog, I ever let sleep on my bed at night; but Snickers got a free pass to sleep on my bed for the rest of his life. Ultimately he decided not to put up with the battle for bed coverings; and returned to his own bed; but such was the degree of my culpability, that I felt compelled to provide some restitution. Now, after years of atonement, this episode is a really great party story; really self-deprecating; great (though pitifully morbid) sound effects; and great cartoon-like analogies. Snickers really was the dog that thought he was a super-hero.
Not long after that, Snickers became the mentor for Orion (a cat!); and the two of them became quite a compatible team. Snickers and Orion would take turns at meal time rousing us from our blissful slumber. Orion would swipe at Snickers from the easy chair; and Orion became the unwanted recipient of Snickers' libidinous humping gestures (if he could be cornered). Snickers had his vices. He would snip at peoples shoes (and toes). He would bark at or rush at threatening men; or at non-threatening, but rambunctiously, scampering children. Apparently Snickers wouldn't discriminate between rabbits, squirrels, sheep, or children. He was just entirely fair, in a feral, carnivorous sort of way.
Ultimately, Snickers' became an integral part of our family, and a reflection of our baser and our loftier ambitions. He was a loving companion and a faithful friend. He lived the full life of a dog; who, originally adopted as a replacement, grew to become irreplaceable.
Snickers was a rebound dog, in reality. We got snickers two or three months after Scooby died. Scooby was the first dog in the family, preceding the children. We cried like babies when we euthanized Scooby; so I wasn't really anxious to have another dog, maybe for years, after Scooby died. Dianne is dog person. She loves the loyalty and affection of a good lap dog; and so, after a few months Dianne wanted another.
We thought long and hard about the right sort of dog. We've both had dogs before; so we know how important it is to find a dog with the right sort of demeanor. We debated on getting our first pure breed dog, or going to the shelter like we did before. One day Dianne heard about a rescue group that was looking for homes for Australian Shepherds. Australian Shepherds! So... Aussies are not really known as laid back, cozy, fluffy lapdog sort of breed, right? "But what's the harm in taking a look" (I paraphrase). Thus, we went to humbly meet with Snickers original guardians...
Snickers puppyhood tale was sad to tell. Reputedly, Snickers and his litter were found soggy and half drowned near a creek in the country. Someone brought them to the rescue group for resuscitation; and now three or four of them are romping around the foster puppy-parent's living room like the cute little rascals from 101 Dalmatians. It's a foregone conclusion that we'll be taking one home. It's only a question of which one. Suffice it to stay that Snickers markings, his random meanderings, and his general 'Joie de vivre' made him the favorite. After a careful screening by the organization, (to be sure that we didn't plan to freak out with a new puppy, physically traumatize the puppy, or somehow bring shame upon the institution of puppy rescue) Snickers became our pet.
Naturally Snickers was an energetic dog with all of the herding instincts of his breed. It wasn't long before I enrolled him in puppy obedience class (which I'd say that he barely passed, honestly); and shortly after that I took him to a class in 'agility' training. If you don't know, agility training is where you take your dog through an obstacle course, with a goal of following commands, and completing the course, in the best possible time. There are treats and clickers and praising ("Good dog, Good Dog!, Oh what a Good Dog!!") and lots of running, (and turning around..., and turning around...,) and running. So this is great fun; but I'm pretty crafty (arts and crafts crafty), so I figure I can build this-here obstacle course, and put it in my back yard, and save myself a little bit of time and money driving to the course at the kennel...and to my credit, I did build a lot of the components of an obstacle course, which are currently providing the scaffolding for the spider webs in our crawl space.
It's a lot like signing up for a gym membership after you make that New Year's resolution.
So then, I think we entered the phase of Snickers life where long walks became routine. Long walks and doggie daycare. Many days on my way to Garner I would drop off a very excited Snickers at Gentle Care Animal Hospital (aka 'doggie daycare'), for 4 or 5 hours of unbridled group dog play. He would get in the car at the end of the day and lie down...yes, lie down... on the back seat for a contented ride home. And at home he would lie down... can you believe it... while we ate dinner, and watched our shows. This was a great thing. No prancing around the back yard, with an apron full of doggie treats. No moving to a country estate to find a grazeable pasture with real sheep. Just doggie daycare. Ok, so he learned bad habits, like barking at the strange dog across the road; and sometimes he came home covered with dog slobber; but, on the whole, much better! And we got reports each day of what doggie friends he liked to play with, and how good'a boy he'd been that day. Awesome.
Then; tragedy. We took Snickers with us for a trip to the NC mountains near Asheville. After a three or four hour drive, we stopped at the Folk Art Center on the Blue Ridge Parkway, just off of Highway 40. We did some shopping. We let the dog out to get some fresh air. There is a beautiful hillock of shaded lawn behind the center and adjacent to the parking lot; so we threw the tennis ball a few times and then headed back to the car. But what does idiot-savant 'Dad' do; but throw the tennis ball toward the car. And what does Snickers do? Well, of course he chases. And gosh-darned if Snickers didn't catch that ball. We don't really know... but if he did catch it, he caught it in the midst of the greatest leap of his life, right over the edge of an 8 to 10 foot embankment, with nothing but paved asphalt for a landing.
Snickers broke both his forelegs in the fall/leap; setting a new standard in our family for actions that cause Regret, with a capital 'R'. But Snickers recovered. He had surgery at the NCSU Vet School, and he came home as a more valuable puppy, but far more reserved in his love for tennis balls.
Snickers is really the only dog, I ever let sleep on my bed at night; but Snickers got a free pass to sleep on my bed for the rest of his life. Ultimately he decided not to put up with the battle for bed coverings; and returned to his own bed; but such was the degree of my culpability, that I felt compelled to provide some restitution. Now, after years of atonement, this episode is a really great party story; really self-deprecating; great (though pitifully morbid) sound effects; and great cartoon-like analogies. Snickers really was the dog that thought he was a super-hero.
Not long after that, Snickers became the mentor for Orion (a cat!); and the two of them became quite a compatible team. Snickers and Orion would take turns at meal time rousing us from our blissful slumber. Orion would swipe at Snickers from the easy chair; and Orion became the unwanted recipient of Snickers' libidinous humping gestures (if he could be cornered). Snickers had his vices. He would snip at peoples shoes (and toes). He would bark at or rush at threatening men; or at non-threatening, but rambunctiously, scampering children. Apparently Snickers wouldn't discriminate between rabbits, squirrels, sheep, or children. He was just entirely fair, in a feral, carnivorous sort of way.
Ultimately, Snickers' became an integral part of our family, and a reflection of our baser and our loftier ambitions. He was a loving companion and a faithful friend. He lived the full life of a dog; who, originally adopted as a replacement, grew to become irreplaceable.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
2013 Christmas Letter
Happy Holidays and Happy New Year,
This year our family was split up, by necessity, as Jasmine and Samantha moved to Cleveland, Ohio to attend Case Western Reserve University. I'll let them tell the story...
Here's the deal, future college students: Forget everything you think you know about college. The truth of the matter really is very simple: No matter how much good advice people give you; no amount of coaching, research, worrying, packing, or making lists can prepare you for the reality of the experience you're going to face... It's new... It's a lot like theater.
When you're preparing for a show, you have to memorize your lines perfectly. You rehearse blocking over and over again. You work with your cast mates, and your director, and your crew to make opening night the best it can be. But here's the thing. When the show actually opens--when you're performing in front of an audience...there's only so much preparation you can do. When you perform on a stage you have to be ready to roll with the things that go wrong...you have to remain calm... you have to keep moving forward no matter what. If you stall out at every non-rehearsed moment, the show will die. It's like improv. Your performance has to be real, not rehearsed. You have to forget everything you've practiced and just let it come naturally, learning as you perform, reacting as you perform, getting better even as you perform. The performance has to be organic, natural, present. Real. You have to be able to let go of failures and keep going.
College is like this. First semester is a tough spot to be in. It's like opening night. You've prepared, you've rehearsed, but all of a sudden, you're actually doing it. Moving into your dorm, going to classes, completing assignments. And all of your circumstances have changed. You can't call for a line, or stop in the middle of a scene and start over. The lights are bright, the spotlights are up, you're doing this in costume with all the changes. It's happening.
It's different than everything you imagined. Nothing is going the way you expected it to go. And now you have two options: cling to your original plan, no matter what..., or ditch your original plan, and make a new plan. I've taken the first option, and let me tell you something. You want to go with the second. It's gonna be great.
Picture the scene. It's 8:15am. The inside of a tiny college dorm room that's a sweltering 83 degrees Fahrenheit. The alarm sounds like a series of church bells. Through the window, one can see a snow-covered ground on an overcast day. The 19-year old girl lifts her head from her pillow to hit her alarm and then look out the window. She turns on her back and stares at the ceiling.
This particular college girl She stayed up until 3 am last night, finishing an 8-page paper for her required first year writing seminar--her SAGES class (Seminar Approach to General Education and Scholarship). Her first thought isn't really a thought. It's a question..., self-directed. And the question is (drum roll please): "Do I really have to go to Religious Studies today?"
Answer: No. No you do not. So she hits the snooze button on her alarm, rolls over towards more snugly covers, and goes back to sleep.
This particular little story capture merely one of the many Religious Studies classes I missed-- next semester I have vowed that there are to be no 9 am classes on South Campus. And I have kept my vow. Anyway, between sleeping sessions this semester, there were:
Couch Forts in the Lobby;
Surprise 19th Birthday Parties XD;
Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Viewing Parties;
Stage Managing for a crazy show called "The Mystery of Irma Vep" (it has 38 costume changes in 200 pages. 2 actors play 8 different characters. Believe it.);
Cosplaying as the TARDIS for Halloween;
Going to the midnight showing of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" downtown and having to walk back at 2 am because all the buses were out of commission;
Attending my first wedding;
AND seeing several plays.
In summary, college is great; thanks for asking. I made some of the best friends I think I'll ever have, played a lot of pool, attended 'IMPROVment' shows every Friday, saw one of my fiends win a costume contest as Professor Oak, and became even more of a geek. I was so busy I had to schedule time to eat and sleep. I ran lights after stage managing a show, painted the entire floor of the stage for opening night and struck the set at... you guessed it, 9 am.
I joined chorus again (a decision I will never regret), met a few phenomenal teachers (namely, my choir director, Dr. Garret; my film teacher, Professor Spadoni; and my US Government professor, Karen Beckwith). I wrote a lot of papers, watched a lot of movies, and got dragged into a few crazy schemes. I missed my family a lot, missed my fiends a lot, and missed my sister a lot. I realized that no one is really joking when they talk about sub-freezing temperatures in Cleveland and 3 feet of snow. It's a thing.
I learned that film studies is a lot like AP English, that college is a really busy place, and that I still have no idea what I want to do. I guess if I had one resolution (stereotypical resolution) for the new year, it would be to stop pulling all-nighters for essays. But I think we all know there's a very slim chance of that happening ; )
Anyway, that's all I got for ya', people of the internet.
Merry (Belated) Christmas and have a happy new year!
Ah, winter. My first true experience of you in Cleveland was during this audition. I warmed up in the music building for a few minutes, then crossed a small quad covered in snow to the chapel where I was to audition, thereby completely negating the effects of the warm up, both for my flute and myself. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to you, 'Winter'; but at least I can stay huddled up in my dorm studying now instead of walking the "walkable" campus on a school tour, which, though it took only an hour, was to me a boot-less, and therefore timeless, experience.
In comparison to the application process, a cakewalk. The number of Dr. Who fans I've encountered at Case Western is indubitable confirmation that I've chosen the right place.
What a day - one I won't ever forget. Being a member of the 'adults' team' is uncomfortable at the moment, but I hope I'll settle into it. Just remembering the words and performances of my class give me confidence.
Carry everything you want to bring to school up a couple of flights of stairs, then decide if you really need it. I cannot emphasize this enough.
...And that concludes the tales of woe and madness that encompasses college life.
At home Dianne and Steve looked for other activities to fill the empty place in their hearts where the twins had once held unfettered supremacy. Fortunately for Dianne, her sister, Lisa was engaged to marry; and, in fact, did marry...after a number of peremptory parties. Here to tell the story, is Dianne...
I first heard Andre's name in 2011 when Lisa was visiting us in NC and "some guy" would not stop calling. That guy is now my brother-in-law and I couldn't be more pleased as he is the person that has made my sister happier than anyone else I've ever seen her with.
To kick off the festivities, Lisa invited everyone in the wedding party and their significant others to one of her favorite locales, New Orleans. We shopped, listened to live music, took a tour, ate and drank well into the wee hours of the morning. Any additional stories of that trip are left in New Orleans but those that were there will retain the fond memories.
The next party leading up to the grand finale was a wedding shower at Lisa's house (Lisa is one of my sister's many devoted friends). Yes, the friend's name is Lisa and to make matters worse, the 2 Lisa's look alike. This is just one of many examples of how confusing it was to keep Lisa's friends' names straight but I think I finally have it :-). Lisa's wonderful friends made this shower something that my sister will remember forever. The shower took on a 'wine' and 'middle eastern' theme. Everyone brought Lisa a bottle of wine to put on the wine rack, which Lisa then took home. The food was fabulous and included all of Lisa's favorites. I learned a lot about my sister that day as we played many a bridal shower game whilst drinking many a glass of wine.
The last party before the biggest party of them all was a Bachelorette party in Ocean City, MD over Labor Day Weekend, 2013. I hadn't been to Ocean City since I was a young child so it was a real treat to be able to go back to a beach that I had grown up on. I had a wonderful time getting to know the ladies in the wedding party as well as some of Lisa's other wonderful friends. The weather, food, drink, and company all led to an amazing weekend. I must admit, however, that those young 'uns wore this old lady out. That weekend confirmed that I'm not as young as I'd like to think I am.
Finally, on Sept 21, 2013, my younger sister married Andre in a beautiful ceremony that Lisa put together all on her own. After the many months of planning, it was Lisa's time to kick back and enjoy the day, which is exactly what she did. The day was an incredibly emotional one for all involved as we welcomed Andre into our family. I can't wait to see how Lisa and Andre's story will unfold; and I am so happy to be part of it.
...And that concludes the tale of joy and madness that encompasses marital bliss.
At home, Dianne and Steve still had a residual void that threatened to swell into a feeling of all-consuming emptiness, from the absence of their beloved children; so they were forced to dabble in other endeavors to cope with their broken and destitute hearts. Biking became a major pastime as the sport saw a resurgence of epic proportions. ...Ok, perhaps, I'm exaggerating.
I'll tell the story myself...
Biking...
I've been biking forever. I had a bicycle paper route. I rode from Murphey to Manteo for my 'special project' week at the NC School of Science and Math. I rode with a bicycle club at Vanderbilt, and I did another long ride, from Washington DC through Shenandoah valley and back to Raleigh while I was at NC State. I even rode my bicycle to the Durham VA for rotations during medical school. But somewhere after school ended, I became a less frequent rider. (Probably because I was enjoying soccer, basketball, and volley ball instead. And possibly from having kids.) That all changed in August of 2012.
Last year, I started riding with a Lifetime Fitness group that, at that time, was departing from My Way Tavern, in the building where I work. Feeling sore and achy from playing basketball once a week; I decided to try a little biking again. I went on over to REI; got a nice looking hybrid bike, and joined the group. It wasn't long before I was riding after work on Tuesdays and Thursdays (thanks Karen, for leading the rides), and riding with Team CBC on Sundays (thanks Jerry, Bob, Kari, et al.). I rode deep into the fall, at the back of the pace line (frequently with Nancy, my 'training' partner. Thanks Nancy for riding with me up those horrible hills). Pretty soon I convinced Dianne that I should get a lighter bike; and in the spring I was feeling ready for some charity rides. I rode the NCBC spring rally; and I felt so good, and drafted so well, that I finished the 30 mile ride in pretty good time.
So I tried some longer rides, and I 'bonked' at least three times (bonking is when your legs are so energy deprived that you couldn't pedal downhill in 1st gear), before I figured out how not to run totally out of energy in such embarrassing fashion. Dianne joined me for rides including the Raven Rock Ramble, the Firecracker 50/100k, the Five-O Raleigh Memorial bike ride, and, most significantly, the Historic New Bern MS 150. In New Bern, we both rode 75 miles the first day; and then Dianne rode 50 miles, and I rode 100 miles. Many of these rides included pace line riding with our new friends from Team CBC and Lifetime Fitness (you know who you are, but a special shout-out to CJ Rice for getting Dianne ready and also willing).
The week after the MS150; I had a special challenge in mind, which was to ride the 100 mile ride from Lenoir, NC, to the foot of the swinging bridge at Grandfather Mountain. This was, as I've said before, the most difficult thing (physically) that I've ever done. By the time I reached the last hairpin turn at the top, I was totally spent. I was happy to have support of Dave, Tom, Doug, Scott, Jill, and my wife to make the experience so great. (I also have to thank the guys at MSing Links for inviting me to join them for the 50 mile Blood, Sweat, and Gears ride, earlier in the year. Thanks to Scott, David, Don, David, Chet, and Klaus. I also rode with these guys on the Fall Foliage Tour at the Uwharrie National Forest)
So now I'm close to getting to 5000 miles by the end of the year; but perhaps next year I'll make the 50,000 kilometer goal (6213 miles). But even if I don't; I'm pretty happy with all the cool rides that I've done (including solo rides around Lake Gaston, up to Massanutten, and group rides that I've organized on Wednesdays in the winter), and all the new people that I've met. I'm afraid that my basketball days are over, and my volleyball days are numbered.
...And that concludes the tale of all consuming madness that encompasses my biking obsession.
Now for a few odds and ends.
Cleveland OH; Aug. 14 - 20; Hywet Hall; Pro Football HOF; Cuyahoga NP with ABC; CWRU, etc.
Cleveland OH; Feb. 22; Cleveland Botanical Gardens; Cleveland Museum of Art
New Orleans, LA; Nov. 10-17, 2012; French Quarter; Bus tour
Playmakers Repertory - It's a Wonderful Life Radio Show, Clybourne Park, Raisin in the Sun
Theater in the Park - A Christmas Carol
Playhouse Square, Cleveland - Venus in Fur << All I can say about this show is that I remain in love with David Ives as a playwright. He's freaking awesome.
Steve, 5/19/13. We had dinner at 'Bolt' and saw Lake Street Dive at the Artsplosure festival.
Dianne, 6/29/13. We had dinner at 'Tripps' and saw the Indigo Girls at the NC Museum of Art amphitheater.
Paul Cavaliere passed away on 5/16/13. We send condolences to our loved ones on the loss of one of the members of our extended family. May the new year bring you happiness instead of sorrow.
This year our family was split up, by necessity, as Jasmine and Samantha moved to Cleveland, Ohio to attend Case Western Reserve University. I'll let them tell the story...
College: An Introduction* (by Jasmine Gallup)
*(as always, no one needs to really read the introduction, no matter how attached to it the author is. You might want to skip down to the real material right about now, four paragraphs down. (-Jasmine))
Here's the deal, future college students: Forget everything you think you know about college. The truth of the matter really is very simple: No matter how much good advice people give you; no amount of coaching, research, worrying, packing, or making lists can prepare you for the reality of the experience you're going to face... It's new... It's a lot like theater.
When you're preparing for a show, you have to memorize your lines perfectly. You rehearse blocking over and over again. You work with your cast mates, and your director, and your crew to make opening night the best it can be. But here's the thing. When the show actually opens--when you're performing in front of an audience...there's only so much preparation you can do. When you perform on a stage you have to be ready to roll with the things that go wrong...you have to remain calm... you have to keep moving forward no matter what. If you stall out at every non-rehearsed moment, the show will die. It's like improv. Your performance has to be real, not rehearsed. You have to forget everything you've practiced and just let it come naturally, learning as you perform, reacting as you perform, getting better even as you perform. The performance has to be organic, natural, present. Real. You have to be able to let go of failures and keep going.
College is like this. First semester is a tough spot to be in. It's like opening night. You've prepared, you've rehearsed, but all of a sudden, you're actually doing it. Moving into your dorm, going to classes, completing assignments. And all of your circumstances have changed. You can't call for a line, or stop in the middle of a scene and start over. The lights are bright, the spotlights are up, you're doing this in costume with all the changes. It's happening.
It's different than everything you imagined. Nothing is going the way you expected it to go. And now you have two options: cling to your original plan, no matter what..., or ditch your original plan, and make a new plan. I've taken the first option, and let me tell you something. You want to go with the second. It's gonna be great.
College: What's Actually Happening (by Jasmine Gallup)
Picture the scene. It's 8:15am. The inside of a tiny college dorm room that's a sweltering 83 degrees Fahrenheit. The alarm sounds like a series of church bells. Through the window, one can see a snow-covered ground on an overcast day. The 19-year old girl lifts her head from her pillow to hit her alarm and then look out the window. She turns on her back and stares at the ceiling.
This particular college girl She stayed up until 3 am last night, finishing an 8-page paper for her required first year writing seminar--her SAGES class (Seminar Approach to General Education and Scholarship). Her first thought isn't really a thought. It's a question..., self-directed. And the question is (drum roll please): "Do I really have to go to Religious Studies today?"
Answer: No. No you do not. So she hits the snooze button on her alarm, rolls over towards more snugly covers, and goes back to sleep.
This particular little story capture merely one of the many Religious Studies classes I missed-- next semester I have vowed that there are to be no 9 am classes on South Campus. And I have kept my vow. Anyway, between sleeping sessions this semester, there were:
Couch Forts in the Lobby;
Surprise 19th Birthday Parties XD;
Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Viewing Parties;
Stage Managing for a crazy show called "The Mystery of Irma Vep" (it has 38 costume changes in 200 pages. 2 actors play 8 different characters. Believe it.);
Cosplaying as the TARDIS for Halloween;
Going to the midnight showing of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" downtown and having to walk back at 2 am because all the buses were out of commission;
Attending my first wedding;
AND seeing several plays.
In summary, college is great; thanks for asking. I made some of the best friends I think I'll ever have, played a lot of pool, attended 'IMPROVment' shows every Friday, saw one of my fiends win a costume contest as Professor Oak, and became even more of a geek. I was so busy I had to schedule time to eat and sleep. I ran lights after stage managing a show, painted the entire floor of the stage for opening night and struck the set at... you guessed it, 9 am.
I joined chorus again (a decision I will never regret), met a few phenomenal teachers (namely, my choir director, Dr. Garret; my film teacher, Professor Spadoni; and my US Government professor, Karen Beckwith). I wrote a lot of papers, watched a lot of movies, and got dragged into a few crazy schemes. I missed my family a lot, missed my fiends a lot, and missed my sister a lot. I realized that no one is really joking when they talk about sub-freezing temperatures in Cleveland and 3 feet of snow. It's a thing.
I learned that film studies is a lot like AP English, that college is a really busy place, and that I still have no idea what I want to do. I guess if I had one resolution (stereotypical resolution) for the new year, it would be to stop pulling all-nighters for essays. But I think we all know there's a very slim chance of that happening ; )
Anyway, that's all I got for ya', people of the internet.
Merry (Belated) Christmas and have a happy new year!
College Auditions (by Samantha Gallup)
College Decisions (by Samantha)
High School Graduation (by Samantha)
Moving In (by Samantha)
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At home Dianne and Steve looked for other activities to fill the empty place in their hearts where the twins had once held unfettered supremacy. Fortunately for Dianne, her sister, Lisa was engaged to marry; and, in fact, did marry...after a number of peremptory parties. Here to tell the story, is Dianne...
Lisa and Andre (by Dianne Gallup)
To kick off the festivities, Lisa invited everyone in the wedding party and their significant others to one of her favorite locales, New Orleans. We shopped, listened to live music, took a tour, ate and drank well into the wee hours of the morning. Any additional stories of that trip are left in New Orleans but those that were there will retain the fond memories.
The next party leading up to the grand finale was a wedding shower at Lisa's house (Lisa is one of my sister's many devoted friends). Yes, the friend's name is Lisa and to make matters worse, the 2 Lisa's look alike. This is just one of many examples of how confusing it was to keep Lisa's friends' names straight but I think I finally have it :-). Lisa's wonderful friends made this shower something that my sister will remember forever. The shower took on a 'wine' and 'middle eastern' theme. Everyone brought Lisa a bottle of wine to put on the wine rack, which Lisa then took home. The food was fabulous and included all of Lisa's favorites. I learned a lot about my sister that day as we played many a bridal shower game whilst drinking many a glass of wine.
The last party before the biggest party of them all was a Bachelorette party in Ocean City, MD over Labor Day Weekend, 2013. I hadn't been to Ocean City since I was a young child so it was a real treat to be able to go back to a beach that I had grown up on. I had a wonderful time getting to know the ladies in the wedding party as well as some of Lisa's other wonderful friends. The weather, food, drink, and company all led to an amazing weekend. I must admit, however, that those young 'uns wore this old lady out. That weekend confirmed that I'm not as young as I'd like to think I am.
Finally, on Sept 21, 2013, my younger sister married Andre in a beautiful ceremony that Lisa put together all on her own. After the many months of planning, it was Lisa's time to kick back and enjoy the day, which is exactly what she did. The day was an incredibly emotional one for all involved as we welcomed Andre into our family. I can't wait to see how Lisa and Andre's story will unfold; and I am so happy to be part of it.
...And that concludes the tale of joy and madness that encompasses marital bliss.
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At home, Dianne and Steve still had a residual void that threatened to swell into a feeling of all-consuming emptiness, from the absence of their beloved children; so they were forced to dabble in other endeavors to cope with their broken and destitute hearts. Biking became a major pastime as the sport saw a resurgence of epic proportions. ...Ok, perhaps, I'm exaggerating.
I'll tell the story myself...
Biking...
I've been biking forever. I had a bicycle paper route. I rode from Murphey to Manteo for my 'special project' week at the NC School of Science and Math. I rode with a bicycle club at Vanderbilt, and I did another long ride, from Washington DC through Shenandoah valley and back to Raleigh while I was at NC State. I even rode my bicycle to the Durham VA for rotations during medical school. But somewhere after school ended, I became a less frequent rider. (Probably because I was enjoying soccer, basketball, and volley ball instead. And possibly from having kids.) That all changed in August of 2012.
Last year, I started riding with a Lifetime Fitness group that, at that time, was departing from My Way Tavern, in the building where I work. Feeling sore and achy from playing basketball once a week; I decided to try a little biking again. I went on over to REI; got a nice looking hybrid bike, and joined the group. It wasn't long before I was riding after work on Tuesdays and Thursdays (thanks Karen, for leading the rides), and riding with Team CBC on Sundays (thanks Jerry, Bob, Kari, et al.). I rode deep into the fall, at the back of the pace line (frequently with Nancy, my 'training' partner. Thanks Nancy for riding with me up those horrible hills). Pretty soon I convinced Dianne that I should get a lighter bike; and in the spring I was feeling ready for some charity rides. I rode the NCBC spring rally; and I felt so good, and drafted so well, that I finished the 30 mile ride in pretty good time.
So I tried some longer rides, and I 'bonked' at least three times (bonking is when your legs are so energy deprived that you couldn't pedal downhill in 1st gear), before I figured out how not to run totally out of energy in such embarrassing fashion. Dianne joined me for rides including the Raven Rock Ramble, the Firecracker 50/100k, the Five-O Raleigh Memorial bike ride, and, most significantly, the Historic New Bern MS 150. In New Bern, we both rode 75 miles the first day; and then Dianne rode 50 miles, and I rode 100 miles. Many of these rides included pace line riding with our new friends from Team CBC and Lifetime Fitness (you know who you are, but a special shout-out to CJ Rice for getting Dianne ready and also willing).
The week after the MS150; I had a special challenge in mind, which was to ride the 100 mile ride from Lenoir, NC, to the foot of the swinging bridge at Grandfather Mountain. This was, as I've said before, the most difficult thing (physically) that I've ever done. By the time I reached the last hairpin turn at the top, I was totally spent. I was happy to have support of Dave, Tom, Doug, Scott, Jill, and my wife to make the experience so great. (I also have to thank the guys at MSing Links for inviting me to join them for the 50 mile Blood, Sweat, and Gears ride, earlier in the year. Thanks to Scott, David, Don, David, Chet, and Klaus. I also rode with these guys on the Fall Foliage Tour at the Uwharrie National Forest)
So now I'm close to getting to 5000 miles by the end of the year; but perhaps next year I'll make the 50,000 kilometer goal (6213 miles). But even if I don't; I'm pretty happy with all the cool rides that I've done (including solo rides around Lake Gaston, up to Massanutten, and group rides that I've organized on Wednesdays in the winter), and all the new people that I've met. I'm afraid that my basketball days are over, and my volleyball days are numbered.
...And that concludes the tale of all consuming madness that encompasses my biking obsession.
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Now for a few odds and ends.
Trips that we took
Washington DC; April 1-8 - Phillips collection; Potomac Tidal Basin; Philips Collection; Alexandria,Va.Cleveland OH; Aug. 14 - 20; Hywet Hall; Pro Football HOF; Cuyahoga NP with ABC; CWRU, etc.
Cleveland OH; Feb. 22; Cleveland Botanical Gardens; Cleveland Museum of Art
New Orleans, LA; Nov. 10-17, 2012; French Quarter; Bus tour
Plays
DPAC - War Horse, Anything Goes, Jekyll & Hyde, Million Dollar Quartet, Priscilla Queen of the DesertPlaymakers Repertory - It's a Wonderful Life Radio Show, Clybourne Park, Raisin in the Sun
Theater in the Park - A Christmas Carol
Playhouse Square, Cleveland - Venus in Fur << All I can say about this show is that I remain in love with David Ives as a playwright. He's freaking awesome.
Birthdays
Indigo, 9/1/13. Indigo turned three and raked in some seriously cool small-scale farm equipment toys.Steve, 5/19/13. We had dinner at 'Bolt' and saw Lake Street Dive at the Artsplosure festival.
Dianne, 6/29/13. We had dinner at 'Tripps' and saw the Indigo Girls at the NC Museum of Art amphitheater.
Losses
Ivan Purdham passed away on 4/15/13. He will be fondly remembered. His mischievous smile, his caring nature, and his quiet presence will be a sorely missed .Paul Cavaliere passed away on 5/16/13. We send condolences to our loved ones on the loss of one of the members of our extended family. May the new year bring you happiness instead of sorrow.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Making Bad Decisions (It's Secretly OK)
DISCLAIMER:
Music I'm grooving to right now: "My Girl," The Temptations
I always come back to this song when I'm in need of something to sing. I don't know why. It's not like it's even in my range. But somehow, when I want to sing and my mind is blanking and I haven't heard anything good on the radio recently (or at least anything I know the lyrics too), I sing this. No clue why. Just a quirk of life, I guess.
Anyway, I guess this song is kind of my "I-have-no-idea-what-I'm-doing-with-my-life-right-now" jam. Because somehow when I sing it, I'm always in this place where not only do I feel like I have no idea how to begin to make any decisions pertaining to my larger life plan, but I am literally without anything to do at the moment as well. Or maybe it's just kind of a mind blank moment. One of those limbo-like times where you're completely zen, and also bored out of your mind.
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I realized today (or perhaps it's an ongoing realization) that nothing in my life is ever going to be perfect. Perhaps I should rephrase. Nothing in my life is ever going to be the way I imagined it.
I have this thing (and I don't know if it's a universal thing, but I'm hypothesizing that at least some people who read this are going to get what I'm talking about) where I place a lot of importance on decision-making. I do this over and over again. I tend to think that somehow, if I get a Very Important Decision right, everything will work out perfectly. My life will, all of a sudden, be fixed. I can finally live in that world I've been imagining, where I don't procrastinate, and where I somehow know exactly what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, and where I'm not incredibly awkward around everyone I know.
Let me be clear: this is a world that does not exist.
Periodically, however, I find myself in a place where I believe this delusion. I find myself in a place where I buy into the fact that a Very Good Decision means that the Very Good Consequences of this decision are permanent. Where I buy into the fact that there can be Very Good Cosmic Permanent Consequences to a probably ill-informed decision.
Think of it this way: You're thinking about what college you go to. You think "I'll be there for four years of my life, so it's probably important that I get this right." Ok. Fair enough so far. If you're spending a lot of time there, you at least want it to be at a place you like. It's important. There are some more issues with this way of thinking that we won't get into right now, but let's overlook that for now.
If it was just a matter of liking the college, there wouldn't be so much pressure to get it right. In our world, it's not just a matter of liking the college. We hear our whole lives that the college we go to will determine our job prospects. Our starting salary. Our ability to achieve. We hear it from parents, from counselors, and most of all, from the media. Rankings matter, because the "better" college you go too, the more employable you are. And the stakes become even higher.
And then there are even more considerations. Will you be happy there? How many students does it have? What's the student to teacher ratio? What percentage of student's graduate? All these things are apparently incredibly meaningful factors in the decision-making progress. All of a sudden, this is a make you or break you kind of problem.
Of course, if you get it right, your life will be solved! Hoorah! There won't be any homesickness, you'll get straight A's, you'll make friends right away, there will be no adjustment period, all the problems that you've learned to try and deal with throughout your whole life will just disappear. Poof.
To this I say (and I know what I'm talking about, because I still think like this): "Yeah right." Or in layman's terms: That's bullshit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All these decisions we have to make. What college to go to. What to major in. What classes to register for next semester. They sound important. They sound like they might help us...or hurt us. They sound like our path to the future. You want to know the real secret? There's no way to know. There's no way to tell what decision might change the rest of our lives, or what decision might just put us in a bad mood for a day or two. In fact, I'm not even sure that there is such a life-changing decision. What moment could be so important that it alters every moment after it...permanently? What decision could possibly be so important that it will mean more than any other decision we might make?
The truth is, no decision is more important than any other decision. In fact, one could argue that every decision we make is pure chance. It's all based on completely arbitrary criteria, no matter how much we might wish otherwise. It's all very well to say "I wish I could go back in time and tell my past self that they were right about this...or wrong," but no matter how much we might wish it so, there's no way we can know what the right decision or the wrong decision is ahead of schedule.
Think about it. We spend so much time trying to get as much information as possible, so we can make the best decision possible. We spend so much of our lives doubting instead of acting. We spend so much of our lives living in fear, living in the shadow of the decisions we have yet to make. And all because we place so much importance on them.
I think we do this because it's easier. I think it's a way of absolving ourselves of responsibility in our own lives. By placing so much weight on a single decision, we make it impossible for us to ever take charge of our own circumstances. We make it impossible to empower ourselves to change our own lives. If something goes wrong--say, for example, you start having a crisis of faith in your school because you didn't realize how little attention they paid the English department-- you say to yourself, "Well, there's nothing I can do about it now. I made the wrong decision." You think, "I might as well just curl up in despair now and accept what I can't change." Again and again you think "There's nothing I can do."
The truth is, there IS something you can do. There's ALWAYS something you can do. There's always a way back from a bad decision, and there's always a way forward.
I speak to everyone out there like me when I say to you, yeah that sucks. It sucks to know that you have responsibility for your own life. It sucks to think that if nothing is changing, it's because you're not doing anything to change it. It sucks to think that you have to do things for yourself to make anything happen FOR YOU. But that's the way it works. That's the way life works. And it turns out, that's a good thing.
If one decision could make or break us...if one decision could change the rest of our lives...we would have no other choice but to live with the consequences that decision every day, for the rest of our lives. If a Very Good Decision means that the Very Good Consequences are permanent, then the opposite is true too. A Very Bad Decision means that the Very Bad Consequences would be permanent. It means that my decisions would stay with me. Even the bad ones.
And that would really be a shame because right now, I think that no decision I make can ever be well informed. There's simply no way way we can just not make mistakes in our life, no matter how long we think about it. 9 times out of 10, I think that the decisions we do get right are just luck.
I had no idea that going to Raleigh Charter would change my life the way it has. At the time, I had no idea whether or not it was a good decision or a bad decision. I went because my mom thought it was a good thing for me, and I trusted her. In a way, I kind of went because I trusted someone else enough to make the decision for me. Do I regret it? No. Because it turned out to be fantastic. Might I have regretted it? Maybe. But luckily, we don't have to live with all those bad decisions we make forever. We have a choice.
Life is forgiving. Every day, we have a new chance to stand up and do something for ourselves--even if it's as simple as re-making the decision to get out of bed and go to class. To look up something on the internet you're curious about. To read a book. Every day we have the chance to make our lives better.
It's not easy, doing this. It's not like you can just make one decision, one day, and be done. You have to keep trying. You have to keep pulling yourself up, every day, pushing yourself to where you want to be. It's not easy.
But it's worth it.
Music I'm grooving to right now: "My Girl," The Temptations
I always come back to this song when I'm in need of something to sing. I don't know why. It's not like it's even in my range. But somehow, when I want to sing and my mind is blanking and I haven't heard anything good on the radio recently (or at least anything I know the lyrics too), I sing this. No clue why. Just a quirk of life, I guess.
Anyway, I guess this song is kind of my "I-have-no-idea-what-I'm-doing-with-my-life-right-now" jam. Because somehow when I sing it, I'm always in this place where not only do I feel like I have no idea how to begin to make any decisions pertaining to my larger life plan, but I am literally without anything to do at the moment as well. Or maybe it's just kind of a mind blank moment. One of those limbo-like times where you're completely zen, and also bored out of your mind.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I realized today (or perhaps it's an ongoing realization) that nothing in my life is ever going to be perfect. Perhaps I should rephrase. Nothing in my life is ever going to be the way I imagined it.
I have this thing (and I don't know if it's a universal thing, but I'm hypothesizing that at least some people who read this are going to get what I'm talking about) where I place a lot of importance on decision-making. I do this over and over again. I tend to think that somehow, if I get a Very Important Decision right, everything will work out perfectly. My life will, all of a sudden, be fixed. I can finally live in that world I've been imagining, where I don't procrastinate, and where I somehow know exactly what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, and where I'm not incredibly awkward around everyone I know.
Let me be clear: this is a world that does not exist.
Periodically, however, I find myself in a place where I believe this delusion. I find myself in a place where I buy into the fact that a Very Good Decision means that the Very Good Consequences of this decision are permanent. Where I buy into the fact that there can be Very Good Cosmic Permanent Consequences to a probably ill-informed decision.
Think of it this way: You're thinking about what college you go to. You think "I'll be there for four years of my life, so it's probably important that I get this right." Ok. Fair enough so far. If you're spending a lot of time there, you at least want it to be at a place you like. It's important. There are some more issues with this way of thinking that we won't get into right now, but let's overlook that for now.
If it was just a matter of liking the college, there wouldn't be so much pressure to get it right. In our world, it's not just a matter of liking the college. We hear our whole lives that the college we go to will determine our job prospects. Our starting salary. Our ability to achieve. We hear it from parents, from counselors, and most of all, from the media. Rankings matter, because the "better" college you go too, the more employable you are. And the stakes become even higher.
And then there are even more considerations. Will you be happy there? How many students does it have? What's the student to teacher ratio? What percentage of student's graduate? All these things are apparently incredibly meaningful factors in the decision-making progress. All of a sudden, this is a make you or break you kind of problem.
Of course, if you get it right, your life will be solved! Hoorah! There won't be any homesickness, you'll get straight A's, you'll make friends right away, there will be no adjustment period, all the problems that you've learned to try and deal with throughout your whole life will just disappear. Poof.
To this I say (and I know what I'm talking about, because I still think like this): "Yeah right." Or in layman's terms: That's bullshit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All these decisions we have to make. What college to go to. What to major in. What classes to register for next semester. They sound important. They sound like they might help us...or hurt us. They sound like our path to the future. You want to know the real secret? There's no way to know. There's no way to tell what decision might change the rest of our lives, or what decision might just put us in a bad mood for a day or two. In fact, I'm not even sure that there is such a life-changing decision. What moment could be so important that it alters every moment after it...permanently? What decision could possibly be so important that it will mean more than any other decision we might make?
The truth is, no decision is more important than any other decision. In fact, one could argue that every decision we make is pure chance. It's all based on completely arbitrary criteria, no matter how much we might wish otherwise. It's all very well to say "I wish I could go back in time and tell my past self that they were right about this...or wrong," but no matter how much we might wish it so, there's no way we can know what the right decision or the wrong decision is ahead of schedule.
Think about it. We spend so much time trying to get as much information as possible, so we can make the best decision possible. We spend so much of our lives doubting instead of acting. We spend so much of our lives living in fear, living in the shadow of the decisions we have yet to make. And all because we place so much importance on them.
I think we do this because it's easier. I think it's a way of absolving ourselves of responsibility in our own lives. By placing so much weight on a single decision, we make it impossible for us to ever take charge of our own circumstances. We make it impossible to empower ourselves to change our own lives. If something goes wrong--say, for example, you start having a crisis of faith in your school because you didn't realize how little attention they paid the English department-- you say to yourself, "Well, there's nothing I can do about it now. I made the wrong decision." You think, "I might as well just curl up in despair now and accept what I can't change." Again and again you think "There's nothing I can do."
The truth is, there IS something you can do. There's ALWAYS something you can do. There's always a way back from a bad decision, and there's always a way forward.
I speak to everyone out there like me when I say to you, yeah that sucks. It sucks to know that you have responsibility for your own life. It sucks to think that if nothing is changing, it's because you're not doing anything to change it. It sucks to think that you have to do things for yourself to make anything happen FOR YOU. But that's the way it works. That's the way life works. And it turns out, that's a good thing.
If one decision could make or break us...if one decision could change the rest of our lives...we would have no other choice but to live with the consequences that decision every day, for the rest of our lives. If a Very Good Decision means that the Very Good Consequences are permanent, then the opposite is true too. A Very Bad Decision means that the Very Bad Consequences would be permanent. It means that my decisions would stay with me. Even the bad ones.
And that would really be a shame because right now, I think that no decision I make can ever be well informed. There's simply no way way we can just not make mistakes in our life, no matter how long we think about it. 9 times out of 10, I think that the decisions we do get right are just luck.
I had no idea that going to Raleigh Charter would change my life the way it has. At the time, I had no idea whether or not it was a good decision or a bad decision. I went because my mom thought it was a good thing for me, and I trusted her. In a way, I kind of went because I trusted someone else enough to make the decision for me. Do I regret it? No. Because it turned out to be fantastic. Might I have regretted it? Maybe. But luckily, we don't have to live with all those bad decisions we make forever. We have a choice.
Life is forgiving. Every day, we have a new chance to stand up and do something for ourselves--even if it's as simple as re-making the decision to get out of bed and go to class. To look up something on the internet you're curious about. To read a book. Every day we have the chance to make our lives better.
The people I admire most in this world… They’re the
people who practice 3 hours a day because they know that’s what it will take to
get what they want. They’re the people who’ve decided they’re going to spend
all their free time doing something they love. They’re those super-annoying
people you know who are always doing these incredible things, like volunteering
for political campaigns, or writing novels, or making their own films. They take charge of their lives—they lace up their
boots, roll up their sleeves, and get to work. They don't know how to quit.
But it's worth it.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Halloween 2013 (Yeah, yeah, I'm working on a better title)
Part 1: "An American Werewolf in London"
It's a beautiful fall day--just like the ones in North Carolina. I keep imagining being back in Raleigh for Halloween next year, before I remember that I won't. Fall break isn't long enough to be worth the price of the plane ticket home. That won't change between now and next year. I'll still be at school.
It's a beautiful fall day--just like the ones in North Carolina. I keep imagining being back in Raleigh for Halloween next year, before I remember that I won't. Fall break isn't long enough to be worth the price of the plane ticket home. That won't change between now and next year. I'll still be at school.
Halloween is what makes me realize: attending an out of state
college has its downsides. It’s difficult to describe exactly what those
downsides are. When I was applying, the thing I heard again and again was,
“Think carefully about going out of state. It’s far away from home.” People say
that a lot, but no one really goes into any detail about why it’s difficult. Being
away from home sounds like the only con to going to an out of state college.
Really, being away from home is a lot of little cons all put together.
When you go to an out of state college, you’re uprooting a whole
life and starting a new one in a different state. It’s not just that you’re
going to a different school—it’s that you have to live somewhere different.
When Jason (who directed me in “The Tempest—” one of those STC shows
produced by Burning Coal J) emails me about a new improv class
he’s teaching, or tells me about a performance opportunity, I can’t take him up
on it. I can’t visit my old high school to see their fall production of “Alice
in Wonderland.” I can’t go home over fall break at all.
I can’t go home to raid my attic for Halloween costume pieces, or
borrow from Sam’s wardrobe without having to walk 5 minutes to her dorm. I
can’t carve Halloween pumpkins anymore (an activity I did with my mom
previously only at great protest), or decorate the house with Halloween
decorations, or drink homemade apple cider.
I can’t visit Asheville to be there for my friend, just to see him.
I can’t sneak down into my kitchen for a midnight snack (e.g. ice cream). I
can’t bake cookies whenever I want, or use the food processor, the garbage
disposal or the toaster oven when I feel like it. I have to manage new
insurance, figure out how to absentee vote, and twice a year move all my
belongings from Ohio to North Carolina and vice versa.
I miss being in Raleigh because I know the city there. I know where
the scarecrow making competition is, and which restaurants are the best when
I’m craving vegetarian food. I know where the midnight showing of Rocky Horror
Picture Show is, and where to get the cheapest tickets for movies, and when the
art museum is putting on a special exhibition. I’ve lived in and around Raleigh
for the better part of 18 years. Leaving it behind is leaving behind everything
I know about my own little corner of the world.
So really, future college students, think hard about moving to
another state. Starting a new life may sound awesome on paper, but it’s got its
downsides. You have to relearn everything, and that takes time. A couple years,
at least. And after you get adjusted, what about when you graduate? Are you
just going to pick up and move again, or do you really want to stay wherever
you are, get a job?
I never thought I’d miss Raleigh, but here I am, 3 months into
freshman year, missing it. And the thing I miss most isn’t my favorite restaurant,
isn’t having to make new friends or new connections (I can find those things in
time)—it’s being away from home. It’s being away from my family. I like
Cleveland, and I know I could love it. But that physical distance between me
and my family isn’t something I can overcome with a little willpower. It’s
real, and it doesn’t go away.
Friday, October 4, 2013
The One...The Only....
Why must awesome things happen where I am not? Awesome things do happen where I am too, granted, but it just seems so much more awesome when you can't attend.
Awesome things at Case:
- Club Vball Halloween 4s tourney during which costumes are worn
- Arts after Dark: open mic night except from 9 pm to 2 am with free Chipotle
- KSL. In general. They have everything.
- Cleveland Orchestra screening Psycho with live music accompaniment
- I get to play Les Miz.
- I get to play Les Miz.
- I get to play Les Miz!!!!!
Awesome things in Raleigh:
- Raleigh Charter
- no theory midterms
- a movie theater I can get within 15 minutes, whenever I want
- shower, bathroom, and sink all behind one lockable door
- NC Symphony
Awesome things everywhere:
- Ender's game movie
- Thanksgiving break
- ice cream
- Halloween
- the dismal failure of eReaders to catch on
I got a B on my first SAGES essay and in retaliation I have used needless repetition, awkward phrasing, sentence fragments, gratuitous exclamation marks, and a double negative in the only place I still can dammit - the Internet. Sorry readers.
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